I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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