You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
