Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
