Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
