I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
