we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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