I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
