Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
