the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
