I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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