You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
