the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
