1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Randomize
