i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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