is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
