Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
