a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
