So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
So vagazzling was a success
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize