Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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