Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
