Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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