im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
