She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Randomize
