Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
