Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
