Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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