Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
