so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
love makes seman taste better
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
