I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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