youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
