Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
