I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
