Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
