Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
