the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
