i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
