Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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