Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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