I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
A bitchslap is in order.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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