Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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