I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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