If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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