I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
