At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
