you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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