I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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