Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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