If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
