he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
