hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
