The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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