I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
pray to the hookup gods
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
