I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
