I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
